“Can You Send Me the Church Directory?”

If you work in a church long enough, you will eventually receive this email:

“Hi, I’m a member and can’t access the church directory. Please send a PDF copy.” or “My email has changed. Can you send me the directory?”

Translation: 🚩🚩🚩

Right now, one of the most common church phishing attempts involves requests for directories. Why? Because once scammers have member emails, they impersonate the pastor and start asking for gift cards.

Good times.

For your copying and pasting discretion and amusement, here are some responses to that phishing email asking for your church’s directory (again), by escalating level of absurdity and/or frustration (In my opinion, this is an entirely appropriate use of ChatGPT.):

1. The Professional & Policy-Based Response (Polite + Firm)

Hello,

For security and privacy reasons, we do not distribute PDF copies of our church directory via email.

If you are a current member needing access, please contact the church office directly by phone so we can verify your identity and assist you.

Thank you for understanding our commitment to protecting member information.

Blessings,

2. The Verification Redirect (Still Kind, Adds a Layer of Protection)

Hello,

We’re happy to help members access the directory, but we are unable to send copies or invitations without confirming identity.

Please call the church office at [phone number] during business hours, and we’ll be glad to assist you.

We take member privacy very seriously and appreciate your understanding.

Peace,

3. The “Let’s Make This Awkward” Response

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out! Because church directories contain private contact information, we never distribute them electronically.

If you’re truly a member, you already know where the church is and how to call us. Please feel free to do that.

Grace and peace,

4. The “Bless Your Heart” Response

Hi there,

We don’t send out directories — especially not to Gmail accounts claiming to be our pastor, deacon, or communications director.

If you’re actually part of our congregation, you’re welcome to stop by during coffee hour and we’ll sort it out face to face.

God bless,

5. The Fully Absurd (Use Sparingly.)

Hello “Reverend,”

Thank you for your request for the full church directory.

Before we proceed, please provide:

• Your baptismal certificate

• A photo of you holding today’s newspaper

• The name of the third hymn we sang last Sunday

• The flavor of sheet cake served at the last potluck

• And the middle name of our longest-serving usher

Upon receipt, our Directory Security Task Force will review your submission in the next 6–8 weeks.

Until then, we’ll be praying for your cybersecurity formation.

Warmly,
The Church

☕A Few (Real) Reminders for Church Leaders

• Protecting your directory is not being unkind. It is practicing good stewardship.

• Always check the sending email address.

• Even if it looks real, call the person to confirm.

• Never send newsletters with visible email addresses.

• Confirm “new email address” changes verbally.

• When in doubt, assume it’s a scam.